Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
