i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
