I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
