so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
