I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
