I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's always time for handjobs
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize