Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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