Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
