His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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