I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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