Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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