Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
