Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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