Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
