Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
