Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
