your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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