Kiss
Puke
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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