either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I bet he comes in French.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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