if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
