thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
