i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
