Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
