Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
