8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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