I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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