oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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