Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
