Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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