There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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