thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
no you cant smoke seaweed
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
