jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
