I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
