i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
