no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
