I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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