I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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