Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
