Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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