what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
