He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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