first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
