i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
