that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
