Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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