spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
