I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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