All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
