Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
