Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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