I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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