Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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