maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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