I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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