my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
