i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
