eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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