A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
