the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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