Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
