He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
