Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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