nut hugger
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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