God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
