don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
