First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
