This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
