I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize